Taking a 6+ Month Break

2022 did not go as I imagined.

And here’s the thing, I had absolutely no clue what it would look like, my vision board didn’t have anything major because I truly didn’t even know what I wanted. To make things more confusing, in December, my psychic told me 2022 was going to be a slower year for me and my career. Things would come up, and I quote, that my mom would need me. Boy did that make overthink everything. The start of 2022 was great. I got accepted into an amazing bootcamp from Contra, connected with so many awesome creatives, and finally felt it was time to put my design passion first and take it seriously. I was so motivated and hopeful for what was to come in my career.

Well, February comes around and one of my dogs unexpectedly passes away. I’m heartbroken, if you know me, you know my dogs are my entire world. It’s been 13 years since I’ve had to deal with the loss of a dog. It’s not easy at all. Then, 6 days later, my grandma passes away. It was like all of a sudden, everything stopped. I was in a constant state of depression. When I did try to get myself together to try and design and continue what I was doing, I found myself staring at a blank Illustrator canvas for hours. Nothing sparked. You should have seen all of the places my laptop and monitor lived because there was no spot for me to feel creative in (they were on our family’s kitchen table at one point). And I’m sure you know as a creative, how much pressure we constantly put on ourselves. Add imposter syndrome to that, and everything is just chaotic. Everyday, I tried so hard to get back into my normal routine, and I mean I was somewhat able to achieve this, but with many, many mental breakdowns. I also started to work more at my part time retail job. A little backstory on my relationship with retail- it is SO easy for me to get sucked in and not be able to get out. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s easy income, pays the bills, but very unfulfilling. I will say, working in retail is what sparked my design interest and led me to where I am now, but I personally need so much self control to not get in too deep and overwork myself.

I journaled, pulled so many tarot cards, got a new reading, and the end of the tunnel started to look so much brighter. I decided to try and start to romanticize my life since I’ve been seeing it all over TikTok and I’m not going to lie, it’s tough. It’s still a work in progress and I think right now I’m in the acceptance and surrender phase. But, I will say, I definitely have a stronger spiritual connection with the universe and my ancestors that make me feel so much more at peace.

I’m glad I took the time to focus on myself and to let my emotions be felt. Dealing with grief led me to so much reflecting and reliving beautiful memories I have of my dog and my grandma. And although I still have bad days, I know how to navigate it and to not be so hard on myself. It’s already the last quarter of the year and here I am, feeling like I’m just getting started. And that’s okay. The inspiration and motivation I’m feeling is exactly the same as it was at the start of 2022 and it makes me really excited. And I already know my grandma’s looking down cheering me on.

But that’s about it, not too much of a wild update. This journal entry feels a bit chaotic, but that’s okay cause that’s what life is, pure chaos. If you’re still reading this and you’re going through something similar, there’s really not much I can say to make you feel better but what I can tell you is to just feel out your emotions and go with it. Take things day by day. Focus on the present moment, on what's in front of you. From personal experience, I can have a full on crying session and then I go get myself a pumpkin spice latte and that little joy makes such a difference in how the rest of my day goes.

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